Comedians Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers honored the best, brightest, and dumbest (complimentary) in pop culture at the fourth annual Las Culturistas Culture Awards, which made its television debut tonight, Aug. 5.
Both a send-up of, and winking tribute to, the splendor and ridiculousness of industry awards shows, Yang and Rogers started the Culture Awards in 2022, spinning off the bit from their hit podcast, Las Culturistas. For the first three years of its existence, the Culture Awards were put on as a live-only show in New York City, mainly featuring Yang and Rogers’ friends and peers in the comedy world.
But this year, Bravo secured the TV rights for the Culture Awards, allowing for a more amped-up affair that was taped at the Orpheum Theater in Los Angeles last month. Yang and Rogers hosted the show, which featured a mix of celebrity guests, musical performances, and, of course, bits. Lots of bits.
As for the awards themselves, Yang and Rogers cast a hilariously broad and irreverent net. The categories range from vaguely legitimate (“Today Show Award for Excellence in the Morning,” “Best Movie of All Time,” “Oh This Body? It Stays Keeping the Score Style Icon Award”) to delightfully ridiculous (“Borders Award for Store That Should Come Back,” “Moon Award for Shining Brightly,” “Filet Mignon Award for Best Beef”).
The nominees themselves are similarly all over the place. For instance, “Record of the Year” features mostly songs that did, genuinely, come out this year, including Lady Gaga’s “Abracadabra” and Addison Rae’s “Diet Pepsi,” but also Aerosmith’s smash 1998 ballad, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” And in the running for the “Lindsay Lohan in Parent Trap Award for Twins Excellence,” Michael B. Jordan gets a nod for playing Smoke and Stack in Sinners, along with “Lisa Kudrow – Friends/Frasier” and “Soap operas – evil and normal.”
While the inanity is, of course, the charm, when you really get down to it, the Las Culturistas Culture Awards does raise the question: Is handing out prizes for “Best Title for the Next Bridget Jones” and “Song That They’re Absolutely Blasting at Trader Joe’s” really anymore ridiculous than pitting famous people against each other at the Oscars, Emmys, Tonys, and Grammys? We think not, which is why we’re proud to offer a full breakdown of this year’s deserving winners for all 100 — yes, 100 — categories at the fourth annual Las Culturistas Culture Awards — ding dong! (Though, considering it would be a logistical nightmare to give out 100 awards in a two-hour block, we only included those awarded during the show.)
Titan of Culture
Kenan Thompson
Lifetime of Culture
Allison Janney
Most Iconic Building or Structure
Universal Helios Grand Hotel, a Loews Hotel – Epic Universe
Gobi tent – Coachella
The Coney Island Cyclone
Lumon Headquarters – Severance
Mirror house, “Abracadabra” – Lady Gaga – SNL
Best Vibe, Hands Down
Japan – All
The Spirit Tunnel – The Jennifer Hudson Show
Top chef: Canada
Seth Meyers
Doechii
Filet Mignon Award for Best Beef
Ribeye
Miss Piggy defending herself using the art of karate
Hilary Duff vs. Faye Dunaway
Benito Skinner – Overcompensating
Bulgogi
Best Way to Be Together
Conjugal visit (for when one of u in prison)
4eva
Blood relative family reunion
In a row
Respectful
We Could See Boop! Award for Best Thing to See
Boop!
John Proctor is The Villain
The new flick from that cool young director at the Angelika aka Sorry, Baby by Eva Victor
Sweat tour
Molly Gordon in anything
Album of the year
Mayhem – Lady Gaga
Am I the Drama? – Cardi B
Now That’s What I Call Music! Volume 7
Stripped – Christina Aguilera
1989 – Taylor Swift
Artist of the millennium
Miss Piggy
Boop!
Pamela Anderson
Jack Antonoff
Mulan
Most amazing impact in film
AI, unfortunately (and we can tell when it is)
Kate Winslet hat intro – Titanic
Music and scoring in film
Jeff Goldblum’s chest – Jurassic Park
Paul Giamatti, blue paint – Big Fat Liar
Best Batman woman
Poison ivy
Dr. Chase Meridian
Catwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer)
Robyn (spelled with y. This is the Riddler’s assistant Robyn whose scenes were cut)
Catwoman (Anne Hathaway)
Allison Williams Cool Girl Award
Lisa Rinna M&M
Lisa – Blackpink
Lisa Simpson – The Simpsons
Lisa from Temecula
Paige DeSorbo
Jamie Lee Curtis Award for gusto, enthusiasm and individuality
Benson Boone flipping
Gagachella
Womencrafts Provincetown
Julia Fox
Monstro Wlisasue
Best news we heard
Lorde is performing tonight at Washington Square Park
Sarah Sherman hired at SNL
Simone Biles is up next!
There was a scary accident but everyone is okay. In fact, they have all made friends as a result of their experience during the accident
They found our bags!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a big sale at our favorite store
Ben Platt is here to sing a record nominee (write-in)
Creatine award for straight male excellence
Bad Bunny – Calvin Klein
Sebastian Stan – various
Senator Bernie Sanders
Andy Samberg – various
Jack Antonoff – co-author of “Manchild”
Record of the year
“Abracadabra” – Lady Gaga
“Diet Pepsi” – Addison Rae
“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” – Aerosmith
“Massachusetts” – Jensen Mcrae
“Soup” – Remi Wolf
Most thrilling threat
“Do that again!!!!!! No, do that again. I dare you.”
When a parent counts “1…….. 2!!!!!!……. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“What if we kissed?” (and you are not attracted to the person)
“You remember Amanda, right?” (you don’t)
“If I ever see you again, I’m gonna kill you”
Best new artist
Domingo
Dr. Victoria Frankenstein
Eva Victor
Miss Eggy
Gabby Windey
Casamigos margaritas award for things to enjoy anytime, anywhere
Fanny packs, any decade
The phrase “if you stay ready, you ain’t got to get ready.” – anonymous
Podcasts
Not a flash mob. Please let me know when you’re gonna dance.
When my new lover looks me in the eyes, oh dear god, i’m at the point of my relationship where i just can’t keep my hands off him.
Best word to whisper
“so?”
“sleep”
“fuck”
“here?”
“never”
Best word to scream
“guilty!”
“now!”
“taxi!”
“gaga!!!!!!!!!”
“never!!!!!!
Best gay guy – normal
British
My friend Lukas
Low-key jacked nurse
Understanding Palm Springs Airbnb host
Jared
Best gay guy – famous
Jonathan Bailey
Andrew Scott
Andy Cohen
Tramell Tillman
The one you’re thinking? Him.
Best gay guy – somewhere in between
Fire Island Pines bartender
One with 25k followers
Pop star makeup artist
Jimmy Fowlie
The incredible Pat Regan
Eva Longoria award for tiny woman, huge impact
Boop!
Sabrina Carpenter
Quinta Brunson
Toad – Mario
AOC
Father award
Mark Duplass
Andy Cohen
Barack Obama
Mark Ruffalo
JJ. Abrams father of Gracie Abrams, which Barbra Streisand found out
Daddy award
Adam Brody
Freddie Prinze Jr.
The men of The Four Seasons
Ricky Martin
Dad from Inside Out that gay Twitter is still wanting to bang out and same
Tina Turner legend award
Audra McDonald
Clairo
Melissa Etheridge
Monstro Elisasue
Cecily Strong
Best Way to Ride with your bitches
“Show Stopper” – Danity Kane
Acela quiet car
Carpool after swim practice and we get slurpees
Big van that housewives get on to go on trips
Your new crush drives you to the airport. They will never do this again.
Most Matt Rogers coded award
Soup – all
Discovering FKA Twigs in 2024
Colorful suits despite colorblindness
Long Island but also Florida iykyk
Kate Hudson
Most Bowen Yang coded award
Stew – all
SAT words in casual conversation
Nintendo switch drops
Puzzlingly single (makes you ask……. What gives?)
Glasses with points of interest
Scariest moment in history
Discovery of fire (had to be nuts)
Paige DeSorbo leaving Summer House
Drones over New Jersey (we never figured this out btw)
Skibidi toilet
Hereditary – lil diva head come off
Reneé Rapp award for power in lesbianism
Probably your grandma even though she was married to your grandpa for fifty years
Women in film crews wearing hard clothes to do their tough job
Miss Honey – Matilda
Muna
Carabiner
Best hand moment, excellence in hands
“Hands” – Jewel
Lady Gaga “put your paws (hands) up”
Sarah Sherman as Nosferatu
Aidy Bryant (if you watch her work, she really does make a lot of interesting hand choices)
11 minute applause breaks – Cannes Film Festival
Titanic award for monoculture
Rotisserie chicken
Miss Piggy
The White Lotus
The letter “S”
Wicked
Most iconic exchange of words
”Defying Gravity” intro – Ari and Cynthia
“High Body Count Hair” – Angie Katsanevas
“Does he make you laugh?” “He doesn’t make me cry” – Ocean’s Eleven
“Does he gag you?” “He doesn’t clock my tea” – meme of Ocean’s Eleven
“But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean at the end” “Well, baby, I went down and got it for you.” “Awwwww, you shouldn’t have” – Britney Spears – “Oops!… I Did It Again”
Outfit of the year
Demi Moore’s yellow coat – The Substance
Timothée Chalamet – Knicks game
“Protect the dolls” t-shirt
When a pretty girl gets coffee in just sweatpants and tank top
Lisa Rinna in whatever the fuck she wants
